Organizing other people, with love

My goal as a professional organizer is to help people love the space they have with the people they love. In my professional experience, I see a lot of family relationship conflict caused by disorganization! Organizing a family is challenging because everyone has different needs and organizing styles. It’s challenging but these are often the situations I love most when working as a professional organizer - designing solutions that will work for a whole family. After years of work with many families, I’ve found these strategies to be the most effective for lowering conflict and organizing with love.

Begin with Respect

Before you start decluttering, it’s important to approach the process with the right mindset. Frustrations can be high and the piles of clutter may be higher. It's easy to point fingers and criticize when our surroundings or our schedules feel overwhelming. But it is so very important to start with respect - imagine if I walked into a new client’s home and began by criticizing them? I’m sure I would lose that client pretty fast (and rightfully so!). My guiding principle as a professional organizer is to prioritize people over things. I never judge a client, because 1) it’s really not nice to judge someone when they are working to improve and 2) if someone perceives criticism or judgment they will feel defensive and resist change. 

Set a positive example

My husband and I have a running joke that we got from the comedian Ron White. When one of us is more bossy than usual, we will say “Well, let me tell you something about you that you don’t know”. It always breaks the tension and is a reminder that in any relationship, if you want change you must change yourself first. You can’t hold other people accountable without being accountable. Believe me, when my clients do the work to organize themselves first, everyone else in the home notices. It’s a lot easier to get people on board with change when they can see the benefits.

Find common ground

Before diving into organizing, gather your family and discuss what you aim to achieve. Do you want to declutter a specific area, create a more functional space, or reduce stress and chaos? Having a shared vision helps everyone stay on the same page. Don’t start this discussion with negative statements like “Our kitchen is always cluttered and I hate it” That may be the absolute honest truth, but it’s not the best way to start this conversation. Let me share with you one of my most powerful tools - open-ended questions. Rather than a yes or no, these questions get a detailed response and give you insight into family member’s needs. Two of my favorite are “What works for you in this room” and “What does not work for you in this room”. The insight into how family members may see and use a space will help you find their ‘why’ and, ultimately, find their motivation and cooperation.

Break big projects down

Once goals are set, assign specific tasks to each family member based on their abilities and interests. Don’t try to tackle a whole room or you may overwhelm your loved ones and end up with an even more chaotic space. Instead, break the project down into a series of mini steps. For example, work this weekend to sort the craft projects in the family room. Tackle puzzles and games next weekend. For more tips to involve your kids, see my blog post “Declutter with kids”.

Schedule maintenance and fun

Completing the work of decluttering and organizing means that there is a place for everything and everything is in its place. But it doesn’t mean that all those things will stay in place. Staying organized is always going to require a little maintenance. Schedule blocks of time to reset your spaces with the whole family. Make it fun, set a timer or play tunes to keep everyone moving. The good news is because you’ve done the work to declutter and organize together, the reset shouldn’t be difficult. 

Peace comes from boundaries

The work of organizing often falls on the member of the family that is most affected by disorganization. Like in all areas of life, it’s okay to set boundaries. If you are the family member that craves tidiness, I recommend making a part of the home organized EXACTLY as you need it to be. Let that be your place to retreat to when you need a break. By the same token, allow other family members the same grace in their space. In shared spaces like kitchens, focus on compromise rather than perfection.

We all want our homes to be filled with love, not clutter and conflict. If organizing feels like an uphill battle, you don’t have to tackle it alone. A professional organizer can provide practical solutions that work for everyone—without the stress! I’ve worked with many wonderful families who deeply love each other but struggle to find common ground when it comes to organizing. In these situations, I serve as a neutral guide, helping to create systems that respect everyone’s needs and make daily life easier. So before frustration takes over, consider bringing in a pro—because family time should be spent making memories, not arguing over the mess. Save the conflicts for Monopoly!